


Strange Apologies, Stranger Circumstance

by akkaliere



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst But Poorly Written, Apologies, Apologies and Forgiveness, Canonical Character Death, Gen, I dont know what else to add, Only a little out of character, Weird Times For Guilt To Strike, this is such a niche fic im inventing so many tags to describe it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26883226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akkaliere/pseuds/akkaliere
Summary: Ambulon had a half a day to "enjoy" the Afterspark, but he was lonely. So very lonely. Apparently when you ask the universe to send you "anyone to talk to," it really gives you anyone.Even the one mech you desperately want to avoid.But maybe good conversation can come from luck like that.
Relationships: Ambulon & Pharma (Transformers)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Strange Apologies, Stranger Circumstance

**Author's Note:**

> i heard the weird mederi version of the afterspark and immediately went "unfinished business?? I'm keeping thattttt

Ambulon wasn’t lonely. He was alone, yes, but that had never bothered him before, and definitely didn’t bother him now. He enjoyed the quiet, the peace, the soft breeze, and the chill that bit at his servos. This was alright. The Afterspark was alright.

Somehow, the more he repeated that thought, the less true it sounded.

In all honesty, this wasn’t alright.

He was in the _Afterspark_ . That was hard to wrap his head around. Moreso was the fact that he was _alone._

Well, he didn’t know that. He had just spent ages looking, for his old team, for literally anyone, but maybe he needed to look harder. He needed to shove down the thought that _‘Maybe they didn’t want to be found by you. Maybe they aren’t even here.’_

He needed a break.

Which is why he was here, on the balcony of an empty building. He leaned on the rail and slouched a little over the edge, surveying the almost monochrome landscape before him. It was beautiful if a little unnerving.

His middle still felt a phantom of Pharma’s lethal chop. Every time he bent over or twisted or, really just moved, his frame shot with a sharp sort of ache.

The small breeze and nipping chill reminded him enough of Messatine that it made him sick, but was different enough that it left him feeling hollow.

Maybe this is what he deserved.

He sighed and hung his helm. He tapped his digits on the rail nervously. Why was he even nervous? There was nothing to be nervous about. There was _nothing_. Maybe that’s what made him nervous. At least it was peaceful.

He didn’t pick his helm up as he heard footsteps approach him. Under normal circumstances he would have turned around, but what could anyone do here? Kill him?

The mech stopped next to him and Ambulon felt the rail shake as they leaned on it as well.

“Hello.” They spoke.

Ambulon nodded a little hello without looking up before freezing. He knew that voice. _Very well_. He whipped his helm up and scrambled back as his thoughts were confirmed. 

Pharma.

He stumbled and fell on his aft, wincing as the phantom pain around his center begged him to stop. He didn’t, and only stopped rushing back when his backstrut hit the wall.

But Pharma didn’t do anything. He didn’t step towards Ambulon, or grin, or scowl, or do anything Ambulon had come to expect of him.

He just stared down at the combiner. He looked almost somber. He gave Ambulon a curt nod and a small hum. There was so much conveyed in that hum. _‘Okay.’ ‘I deserved that.’_

“Why,” Ambulo demanded.

“I’m sorry,” Pharma responded.

“But _why_.” Ambulon pressed.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Pharma repeated.

Ambulon sighed and dropped his helm into his servos. He would get nowhere with that.

“Why so soon? Why are you here so soon?” Ambulon changed directions.

“First Aid,” Pharma glanced away.

“ _First Aid?!_ ” 

“ _First Aid._ ” Pharma made a sweeping gesture at the damaged metal of his neck. “He shot me. I implored him to. I couldn’t stand it.”

Ambulon blinked. Pharma tended to use vibrantly open-ended language, but Ambulon was sure he was just doing this vague act on purpose. “What?”

“Me!” Pharma shouted and gestured to the sky. It felt like Pharma was _waiting_ for him to ask. “I couldn’t stand _me_. I wasn’t even me!”

Ambulon rolled his optics. Pharma shot him a quick, angry glance.

“I was cruel and reckless, and-”

“Homicidal?” Ambulon deadpanned.

“Okay,” Pharma sighed. “I didn’t think I would actually kill you. I thought you would get fixed up and I could get away.” Pharma looked away to drag his optics along the landscape. Avoiding Ambulon.

“You-,” Ambulon sputtered. “You thought _cutting me in half wouldn’t kill me?_ ”

Pharma just shrugged. Ambulon vented so hard he broke into a coughing fit. He almost _laughed_.

But then the shock wore away and there was nothing left. Nothing but each other and the knowledge that they were dead.

They stayed in that heavy silence for a long time. Ambulon didn’t get up, and Pharma just stared at the horizon. For a long moment, it seemed that the jet had completely forgotten about him.

“Look,” Pharma started. Ambulon jumped. “I’m sorry.”

He turned and reached out his servo to help Ambulon up. Ambulon just cautiously eyed the servo and stood up unaided by the jet, pulling himself up a little with the rail.

“I don’t forgive you,” Ambulon responded.

“You don’t have to.”

“Good, because I never will.”

Another bout of silence filled the air. This was going to be so hard. Somehow silence next to Pharma was worse than the silence of being alone. They both watched the landscape.

"So.” The jet broke the heavy stillness. “First Aid?

Ambulon thought for a second before answering. "He's grown up. A lot." 

"He's older than you," Pharma commented. 

"But much less mature." Ambulon wasted no time retorting. 

Pharma opened his mouth and closed it again. Of course, he had no response. 

Ambulon glared up and continued. "That's very well about to change, though, considering you _traumatized him._ " He gestured at the marred metal down his center. 

"He was a war medic. He's seen worse. He's _fixed_ worse." The air of carelessness in Pharma's voice infuriated the combiner.

But as much as he wanted to form a tight fist and leave a deep bruise on Pharma’s pompous face with no consequence, he didn’t. He instead deeply vented. There were a hundred reasons why that was a bad idea, starting with the pain still crawling through his middle. Just a little memento of what Pharma could do.

He shuffled away from the jet.

“So,” Ambulon spoke up this time. “Why?”

Pharma opened his mouth.

“I mean Delphi. Messatine. The plague. Why.” Ambulon cut in for clarification.

“It was the best option”

“As opposed to just talking with us?”

Pharma hung his helm. “Yeah.”

… 

The next few minutes were a bit of a blur

Ambulon had no clue what had happened, in all honesty. Through the tension and trying to explain his thought process, Pharma made a joke. A small one, one that should have slipped by unnoticed. But Ambulon had picked up, and through some mystery of reignited friendship, they fell into conversation.

It was tense, of course, but it was still welcome. They traded small stories and jokes about what had happened since they’d last truly met. Horror stories of Tyrest and Lost Light crew members that got into stupid situations.

But as fate decided, they eventually looped back to Luna 1. Ambulon mentally hit himself for laughing a little when Pharma recited his _“Lengthwise!’_

“I do want to know,” Ambulon tried to hold a straight face. “Why did you even say that? It was so dumb.”

“I said I’m sorry!” Pharma’s voice grew high pitched with indignation.

Ambulon fell into a coughing fit trying to not laugh. He steeled his face and rested a servo on Pharma’s shoulder. They made optic-contact and immediately started laughing again.

Their laughter died down and Ambulon felt the joy leave his system. He dropped his face into a frown of sorts and looked up at Pharma as the jet righted himself and dusted his torso off.

“I don’t forgive you.” The combiner started.

Pharma immediately nodded. A silent _“I wouldn’t either.”_

“But,” Ambulon waved a little to make sure the jet was looking at him. “Someday I’ll be able to.”

Pharma frowned down a little. But he nodded.

As Ambulon began to walk off the balcony, he whited out and fell to the ground. He heard a clang of metal as the same happened to Pharma.

Fantastic.

. . .

. . .

When he and Pharma came to, they were sitting back to back in a courtyard. Pavilion. Something like that. As his optics focussed and he could squint at his surroundings, he recognized it as the same place in the Afterspark that he’d onlined in. Only everything was teeming with life. It was jarring from the bleak purple and blue he’d adjusted to. Everything almost shimmered and rippled with color. And it was so _bright_. Ambulon had to lift a servo to shade his optics from the light.

But more than that, this Afterspark teemed with life and action, from mechs milling around and talking, to the shouting of a marketplace, and fliers zipping through the air. 

“Holy pit.” He gaped. “Holy _pit_.” He scrambled to be pedes, the phantom agony of his center had ebbed into a faint ache. He twisted and lightly pulled on Pharma’s arm to drag him up.

He stared at the living landscape with awe. This was unlike anything he’d ever seen. His team was out there. His team _had_ to be out there. He took a few running steps out from under the canopy, before turning around.

Pharma was standing completely still, staring in similar awe at the fullness of the Afterspark.

“Comm me eventually, okay?” He said.

Pharma nodded.

Ambulon dashed out of the pavilion and reignited his search. He felt truly hopeful for the first time in years.

He slowly stopped and glanced as a comm filled the bottom of his vision. It was from Pharma.

\\\I’m sorry.\\\

**Author's Note:**

> anyway i wrote this in like half a day because I was sad and promptly proofread it once so its super bad Im so sorry if u made it this far


End file.
